Thursday, November 13, 2008

Being pregnant and in an abusive relationship

According to a study reported in Obstetrics and Gynecology, one in five pregnant teens and one in six pregnant women can expect to experience physical or sexual abuse during her pregnancy — abuse that puts her at increased risk of experiencing miscarriage or giving birth to a low-birth weight baby.

Some pregnant women report an escalation of abuse during pregnancy, whereas others indicate that they only feel safe while they are carrying a child because they feel confident that their partner wouldn’t do anything to hurt the baby — something that can lead to repeated pregnancies as a way of escaping abuse.

Many women who have been putting up with abuse decide to make the break during pregnancy or shortly after the birth, fearing that the abuser may harm the baby. (Their concern about their baby’s well-being is justified, by the way: studies have shown that more than 50 percent of men who abuse their female partners also abuse their children and many others threaten to abuse their children.)

“It took me nine months after my son was born to finally leave an abusive relationship,” says Janna, a 35-year-old mother of two. “When I realized that my partner would be abusing my son, I realized I’d had enough.”

If you are in an abusive relationship and have made the decision to leave, here are some steps that can help you and your children get out as safely as possible:


Pack a suitcase and leave it in the care of a trusted friend or neighbor. Include clothing for yourself and your children, prescription medicines, toiletries, and an extra set of car keys.

Set up your own bank account and leave the passbook in the care of a friend.

Make sure that all of the important records you might need are in a place where you can find them quickly. These include birth certificates, Social Security cards, your voter registration card, your driver’s license, medical records, financial records, and documents proving ownership of the house and car.

Know exactly where you’re going and how to get there. If you will be staying with a friend or family member, make sure that person is prepared for the fact that you could show up at their doorstep at any time.

Call the police if you need help leaving or if you wish to press charges against your partner.

Arrange for counseling for yourself and any children you may already have. You may need some support in breaking free of the cycle of abuse and preparing for a happier future with your new baby.

Source : The Unofficial Guide to Having a Baby. Second Edition . Ann Douglas and John R. Sussman, M.D. 2004

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