Toddlerhood Series : Support your child’s curiosity, intelligence, and hard work

Here are some ways you can encourage your child to work hard and be a curious and active learner:
• Praise and celebrate your child’s efforts and accomplishments. Focus on how much she wanted to do a good job and how hard she worked. Praise your child for trying hard and sticking with it. The effort is even more important than the final grade. Praise and celebrate every child in your family all year long—not just when report cards come out. Display your child’s papers and artwork on the refrigerator. Tell your child how wonderful her work is.

• Read often to your child and encourage your child to read. Your child is never too young for you to read aloud to him. Your child is never too old to listen to you read aloud. The more your child reads, the better prepared he will be to handle harder and harder schoolwork as he moves up the grades.

• Be interested in all the questions that your child asks. Try to answer or talk about those questions, even if you feel busy or tired. Whenever you can, take the time to help your child find the answers to questions—by looking in books, by asking an “expert,” by figuring it out.

The Twelve Qualities Your Child Needs for a Life That’s Happily Ever After

Look at your child and try to picture him or her in twenty-five years as a grown-up. What do you see? Does your son or daughter have these twelve essential qualities:

1. Is he happy, optimistic, and secure? Does he have authentic self-esteem?

2. Is she in a healthy, loving relationship? Does she have good friends and loyal allies?

3. Does he have a strong moral compass? Does he have good values and strong character?

4. Does she have empathy and compassion for all people? Is she kind, unselfish, and humane?

5. Does he have self-control and patience? Can he delay gratification?

6. Is she able to make good decisions on her own?

7. Is he self-reliant?

8. Is she responsible and internally motivated? Does she have a good work ethic?

9. Is he practical and resourceful in handling day-to-day living?

10. Is she resilient? If life throws her a curve, can she bounce back?

11. Is he confident and positive about his identity and strengths?

12. Does she have fun? Does she laugh? Is her life balanced between work and love, self and others?

Yes, each of our kids is born with a certain temperament and genetic predisposition. Certainly there are some things about our kids’ development that are not under our control— but many are.

Source : 12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know. GETTING BACK TO BASICS AND RAISING HAPPY KIDS . Michele Borba, Ed.D. 2006

Five Steps to Boosting Your Sensitivity

Step One: Match Your Expectations to Your Child's True Self.

To make sure that the expectations you set for your child are ones that stretch her potential without unintentionally zapping her self-worth, ask yourself this: Are my expectations

1. Developmentally appropriate.

Is my child developmentally ready for the tasks I’m requiring, or am I pushing him beyond the limits of his internal timetable? Learn what’s appropriate for your child’s age, but still keep in mind that developmental guidelines are not etched in stone. It’s always best to start from where your child is.

2. Realistic.

Is my expectation fair and reasonable, or am I expecting too much? Realistic expectations stretch kids to aim higher, without pushing them beyond their capabilities. Be careful of setting standards too high. Putting your child in situations that are too difficult puts her at risk of failing and lowering her feelings of competence.

3. Child oriented.

Is what I’m expecting something my child wants, or is it something I want more for myself? We all want our kids to be successful, but we have to be constantly wary of setting goals for our kids that are attempts to fulfill our dreams and not those of our kids.

4. Success oriented.

Am I setting the kind of expectations that tell my child I believe he’s responsible, reliable, and worthy? Effective expectations encourage kids to be their best so that they can develop a solid belief in themselves.

Don’t get so wrapped up in your hopes and dreams for your child’s future that you lose sight of what matters most in the here and now. After all, what could be more important than your child’s knowing that you love and cherish her for who she is—not for what you want her to be and what you hope she will become?

Step Two: Tune In to What’s Really Going On with Your Kid.

Put down that cell phone. Don’t worry about the dust. Be intentional. Take time every day—I’m not talking hours, just a few minutes—to take a good look at your child’s life and how things are going.

Step Three: Check Your Kid’s Vital Signs.

First the face: Are his eyes sparkling or flat? Is he scowling or smiling? Next the body language: Is she relaxed or stiff? Slumped down or coiled up? Finally, the voice: Is it tense and edgy or warm and resonant? Are you hearing whines or laughter? Any sudden changes in behavior: Clinginess? Anger or temper tantrums? Avoidance of situations? Negativity? Loss or big increase of appetite? Too little or too much sleep? Remember, your child isn’t going to come up and say outright, “You’re making demands on me I can’t fulfill,” but there are many ways, if you’re sensitive, that you can see it for yourself.

Step Four: Identify the Specific Misfit Between Expectation and Reality.

Is that accelerated class too hard? Is the coach too demanding? Are you too critical of your kid’s grades? Is that clique you’ve encouraged her to join too upscale? Talk to your spouse, the teacher, or your best friend.

Step Five: Take Action to Remove the Mismatch Between Your Expectation and Reality.

Find a better class. Take a break from soccer. Back off from stressing over grade-point average. Let your child choose her own friends. Remain vigilante and sensitive to your kid’s needs. Never stop checking for stress and overload, identifying the potential causes and taking action to provide the remedy.

Source : 12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know. GETTING BACK TO BASICS AND RAISING HAPPY KIDS . Michele Borba, Ed.D. 2006

What is active listening?

Active listening is a way of showing understanding. It involves listening carefully and then, from time to time, describing how you think the person is feeling, or summing up what you think she has said. Let her correct or add to what you have said. Keep listening until you can tell she feels understood. Here are some ideas to help you be an active listener with your child:

• Take time to listen carefully to what the child is saying.

• See if you can identify what the child is feeling.

• Ask the child: “I wonder if you feel ___________ (sad, alone, frustrated, confused).”

• After you describe the feeling, the child may want to correct or add to what you have said. Listen carefully.

• Maybe you will want to try again to describe what the child is feeling.

Active listening lets the child know you care about what she feels. Taking time to understand what children feel sends a powerful message to them. It says to them, “You’re important to me. I care about your feelings. I want to understand how you see things.” Understanding is a powerful way to show love.

If we take time to listen to and understand our children, they are more likely to become confident and caring people. It takes many years to learn how to be as understanding as we would like to be. But it’s well worth the effort.

Source : Principles of Parenting. H Wallace Goddard.