“My Son Has ADHD. Now What?” (James W. Forgan, Ph.D., and Mary Anne Richey)

You may not always recognize boys with ADHD, but believe us, they are everywhere. The American Psychiatric Association (2000) stated in its text revision of the fourth edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders that “The prevalence of Attention-Deficit/ Hyperactivity Disorder has been estimated at 3%–7% in school age children” (p. 90). That’s a lot of kids! 

Furthermore, some organizations say up to 9.5% of the population has ADHD. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention website (2011), 5.4 million children ages 5–17 have been diagnosed with ADHD by a healthcare professional. The CDC data showed that as of 2007, 2.7 million children in that age group were receiving medication for ADHD. 

Assuming these numbers are accurate, a teacher can expect that at least 2 children in a class of 20 students will have ADHD. On a sports team of 12 players, there will be at least one with ADHD. In a church with a youth population of 100 children, at least 12 will have ADHD. How many kids live in your neighborhood? In addition to your own son, there are probably some boys with ADHD living around you. Boys (and girls) with ADHD are everywhere. 

How will I know when my baby is sick?

A lot of first-time parents worry that they will fail to pick up on the warning signs that their baby is seriously ill. Fortunately, most quickly discover that their “parent radar” is more finely tuned than they thought and that they are able to zero in on the following symptoms of illness with relatively little difficulty:

■ Runny nose (usually caused by a viral infection such as the common cold, but can also be triggered by allergies or chemical sensitivities);

■ Coughing (can be caused by the common cold, allergies, exposure to cigarette smoke and other irritants, or chronic lung diseases);

■ Wheezing (caused by the narrowing of the air passages in the lungs and the presence of excess mucus in the major airways);

■ Croup (a noisy, seal-like bark that is caused by an inflammation of the windpipe below the vocal cords);

■ Diarrhea and/or abdominal cramps (can be triggered by a gastrointestinal problem, a food sensitivity, or other illnesses);

■ Vomiting (caused by a related illness and generally only cause for concern if your child is becoming dehydrated);

■ Changes to your baby’s skin color (e.g., extreme paleness or extreme flushedness; can be the result of a systemic or localized infection);

■ Rashes (caused by a viral or bacterial infection or an allergic reaction to a food, medication, or other substances);

■ Behavioral changes such as extreme fussiness or lethargy (caused by an illness or infection);

■ Fever (caused by an infection, a reaction to an immunization, or overdressing your baby).

Source : The Unofficial Guide to Having a Baby. Second Edition . Ann Douglas and John R. Sussman, M.D. 2004

How to shop for your babies without going broke

Equipping a nursery for one baby is expensive enough. Equipping one for two or more babies can be enough to bankrupt a family — or so you might think. “A lot of parents have to get past the idea that everything has to be new for the babies,” says childbirth educator and mother of twins Joyce MacKenzie. “It’s safety and practicality you’re after, not the most beautiful crib in the store window.”

Although there’s a real temptation to run out and buy your babies matching brand-name gear, there are cheaper ways to acquire what your babies need. Here are some tips from parents who’ve been there:

■ Borrow as much baby gear as you can.

Just make sure that whatever you borrow meets current safety standards.

■ Shop secondhand.

You can find nearly new brand-name baby products at most consignment stores for half their original price or less. Although the better secondhand stores go out of their way to avoid carrying cribs or car seats that don’t comply with current safety standards, mistakes can and do happen. Therefore, the onus is still on you to make sure that the items you’re purchasing are up to snuff.

■ Don’t scrimp on the double (or triple or quadruple) stroller.

It’s the one thing that will keep you mobile. Note to parents expecting quadruplets: You might want to consider purchasing two doubles rather than one quadruple stroller if someone else will always be with you when you’re out with the babies. They’re easier to maneuver and easier to pick up secondhand.

■ Get by with a little help from your friends.

If your friends are planning to have a baby shower for you and they ask what you want, suggest a car seat or other big-ticket item. Your friends can pool their funds and buy you something you really need, rather than a lot of cutesy frilly dresses or sailor suits!

■ Go bargain hunting.

See if a local baby store or department store would be willing to give you a break if you bought all of your baby gear through them. If you’re purchasing two or more cribs, car seats, high chairs, and so on, you represent a lot of purchasing power. Don’t be afraid to bargain a little.

■ See if you can solicit some outright donations.

One family was able to convince the owner of a local pharmacy to let them have every seventh bag of diapers free.

■ Eliminate the frills.

Save money on baby wipes either by making your own (fill a squirt bottle with a mixture of liquid

baby soap and plain water, and then buy some inexpensive washcloths) or by making a box of wipes go further by cutting the wipes in half (one family swears that an electric knife works like magic).

■ Cut corners where you can.

You can save on disposable diapers by using high-quality brand names during the night (when you really want the babies to stay dry!) and lower-quality generic brands during the day. Another good strategy is to start buying diapers when you’re pregnant: one couple expecting triplets had 1,600 diapers stockpiled by the time their babies came home.

■ Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth.

Save items such as used baby bottles, nipples, caps, lids, and acetaminophen samples from the hospital if your children spend some time in the NICU (neonatal intensive care unit). Otherwise, these items are thrown away by hospital staff.

■ Don’t overspend in the clothing department.

As a rule of thumb, twins need 1 1⁄2 times rather than 2 times as much clothing as a single baby.

■ Ask your baby’s doctor for a deal.

See if your children’s pediatrician will reduce the co-pay per visit given that you’re buying his services in bulk! Also, don’t be embarrassed to ask for any free coupons and baby-product samples that he may be able to pass your way.

Source : The Unofficial Guide to Having a Baby. Second Edition . Ann Douglas and John R. Sussman, M.D. 2004

The Age issue to Having a Baby (part 3)

■ Get the scoop on your family’s reproductive history.

Find out if you have close female relatives who have had difficulty conceiving or who have had trouble with endometriosis, uterine fibroids, early menopause, or uterine abnormalities. Some of these conditions tend to run in families, so you’ll want to know upfront what you may be dealing with so that you can either seek treatment or fast-forward your baby-making schedule if it looks like you may be facing greater-than-average challenges on the reproductive front.

■ Choose your sexual partners with care.

Sexually transmitted disease (STDs) are just plain bad news for the female reproductive system, so take steps to protect yourself and your future baby-to-be. (Some STDs can be harmful — even deadly — to the developing baby, so you can’t be too careful on this front.)

■ Quit smoking.

While you’re no doubt aware of the terrible toll that smoking can take on your heart, lungs, and other organs, you might not realize that it can do a real number on your reproductive system, too. Studies have shown that women who smoke are 30 percent less fertile than other women. And, what’s more, they’re at increased risk of developing pelvic inflammatory disease. So smoking is just plain bad news for you and the baby you hope to have some day

■ Encourage your partner to safeguard his fertility, too.

Future fathers are sometimes guilty of assuming that fertility is “a girl thing” that they, as guys, don’t have to pay much attention to. That kind of thinking is dangerously outdated and could rob a guy of his chance to be a dad. In fact, in recognition of the fact that sperm quality does tend to deteriorate over time, The American Society of Reproductive Medicine is now recommending an age limit of 50 for sperm donors. But, of course, that’s not all a guy needs to think about on the fertility front. A man’s reproductive system can be damaged by sports injuries, exposure to toxic chemicals or radiation, the use of anabolic steroids, the use of certain types of medications that can hamper sperm production and/or reduce sperm counts — even by something as simple as carrying around too much weight. (Men who are significantly overweight tend to have excessively high levels of the female sex hormone estrogen, something that can affect a man’s fertility.)

And any dad who is actively trying to father a child should be laying off the alcohol, drugs, and cigarettes, too: these vices can interfere with a man’s ability to ejaculate and/or affect his overall fertility. (Just tell your guy the true high in life comes from being a dad!)

Source : The Unofficial Guide to Having a Baby. Second Edition . Ann Douglas and John R. Sussman, M.D. 2004

Pregnancy Series : Talking to Your Unborn Child

Believe it or not, your wife is probably going to insist that you talk to or even read a book to your unborn child. This is because a number of studies done by scientists (who were obviously really bored) seem to have shown that talking to an unborn child may be embarrassing for you but good for the baby. It’s one of those theories like “No two snowflakes are alike.” They can’t prove it, but you can’t disprove it either. Since they are scientists (who for some unknown reason specialize in this sort of thing) and you’re not, guess who your wife is going to listen to?

Your best course of action is to grin and bear it, and hope nobody is watching you on a hidden camera or something. It will help you get through this if you talk about subjects that are near and dear to your heart, such as your favorite TV shows and sports teams. This will allow you to keep at least some semblance of your manhood. Plus, if those wacky scientists are right, your baby will be born with incredible taste. Of course, the best benefit from all this will be you’ll get a happy wife, and a happy pregnant woman is much easier to deal with than a non-happy one.

Source : John Zakour. A Man's Guide to Pregnancy.2003

The Absent Father Syndrome

After the Second World War, psychologists looked at how children whose fathers had been away fighting did at school and on intelligence tests. Absentee fathers damaged children intellectually and emotionally. Two factors were especially negative:

1 If the father is absent when the child is very young;
2 social class – working-class children are more affected than middle-class children by the father’s absence.

A 1962 study looked at the family life of elementary-school boys who had average intelligence but who were 1 or 2 years behind at school. These boys had very poor relationships with their fathers; the fathers were inadequate and failed to achieve their own ambitions. Insecure and poor role models, they transmitted failure to their sons.

Radin et al (2000) found that both the quantity and quality of time fathers spent with their 4-year-old boys correlated with intelligence test scores on the Stanford Binet and the Peabody Picture Vocabulary Test. The strongest link was with so-called paternal nurturance. Children whose dad asked children whose dad reached out to talk did much better. Studies of black girls and boys in elementary school found much the same. The more both parents interacted with the children, the better the girls and boys did on a number of cognitive tests. The father’s behaviour was much more important than the mothers in affecting the boys. Sutton Smith, a leading researcher on play, looked at the relationship between father absence and aptitude test scores among sophomores – 2nd-year college students in America.

An absent father for Sutton Smith was a father who had not been there for two consecutive years. Children of these fathers did less well on verbal tests, on language tests and on general aptitude. Again the boys were hurt most.

It isn’t just language that suffers either. A study of 500 children by Lessing et al. (1970) suggested the most dramatic effect of paternal deprivation was on perceptual motor and manipulative spatial tasks. Carlsmith (1964) found boys whose fathers had been absent for long periods answered questions in psychological tests more like girls did. With no male role model, these boys identified more with their mothers.

In Boston in America, black clergymen who work with the probation service argue that 95%of juvenile crime has‘fatherlessness’ as a cause. The clergymen believe in a tough-love policy and claim they have helped reduce crime in the city; murders a year have fallen from 150 to 37. The reason for their success is telling; they believe the delinquents are desperate for fathering and so respond to a strong father figures.

Fathers matter, proved. But British families also face a curious cultural problem in dealing with education We have inhibitions about appearing to be intelligent or, even worse, intellectual.

Source : David Cohen. The Father's Book. 2001