Coping with grief during pregnancy

Pregnancy is an emotional time, so it’s hardly surprising that it can trigger painful feelings of grief about the deaths of loved ones. If, for example, you recently lost a parent or a grandparent, or your partner died during your pregnancy, you may regret the fact that this special person in your life didn’t live long enough to meet your new baby. And, of course, the breakup of a marriage can trigger waves of grief that are not unlike the grief that many people experience following the death of a loved one. So if you find yourself unexpectedly single midway through your pregnancy, you may find yourself grieving the loss of your marriage and your hopes and dreams of co-parenting along with your ex.

A loved one’s death doesn’t have to be recent to trigger waves of emotion, incidentally. Some women who lost their mothers during childhood or their early teens find that they experience a period of “re-grieving” when they find themselves motherless during pregnancy. “I found myself with so many questions that a woman would normally ask her mother,” says Kelly, a 35-year-old mother of one. “It was the loneliest feeling in the world to realize that I didn’t have a mother to share my own journey to motherhood with.”

If you find that grief is affecting your ability to enjoy your pregnancy, you may want to talk to a friend who has been through a similar loss, find out if there is a grief support group operating in your community, or set up an appointment with a grief counselor who has experience with your particular type of loss.

Regardless of what type of support you line up for yourself, it’s important to find a healthy way to vent your feelings of loss so that you can break free from the tidal wave of grief that may threaten to drag you down and give yourself permission to look forward to the wonderful future that awaits you and your new baby.

Source : The Unofficial Guide to Having a Baby. Second Edition . Ann Douglas and John R. Sussman, M.D. 2004

Getting ready to get pregnant : Have you been diagnosed with endometriosis?

Endometriosis is the name given to a medical condition in which tissue similar to the tissue that lines the inside of the uterus grows outside the uterus, typically on the surfaces of organs in the pelvic and abdominal regions. Endometriosis is one of the top three causes of female infertility. Approximately 30 percent to 40 percent of women with the condition experience fertility problems.

Researchers are unsure why endometriosis affects fertility, but they think that the condition may interfere with the uterus’s ability to accept an embryo, change the egg in some way, or prevent the fertilized egg from making its way to the uterus in its normal fashion.

Because endometriosis often goes undiagnosed, it’s important to be aware of the key symptoms of this medical condition so that you can seek treatment sooner rather than later if you suspect you may be affected:

■ extremely painful (even disabling) menstrual cramps

■ heavy menstrual periods

■ premenstrual spotting

■ bleeding between periods

■ chronic pelvic pain (including pain in the lower back and pelvic region)

■ pain in the intestinal region

■ painful bowel movements or painful urination during menstruation

■ gastrointestinal symptoms (especially the urge to evacuate or pain with bowel movements)

■ fatigue

■ difficulty becoming pregnant.

Note: In vitro fertilization (IVF) has proven to be quite effective in treating infertility in women with endometriosis.

Source : The Unofficial Guide to Having a Baby. Second Edition . Ann Douglas and John R. Sussman, M.D. 2004

Getting ready to get pregnant : Do you skip meals regularly?

If you’re in the habit of skipping meals, your body could be missing out on such important nutrients as folic acid, iron, and calcium. It’s particularly important to ensure that your diet contains adequate quantities of folic acid. Studies have shown that women who consume at least 0.4 mg of folic acid each day reduce their chances of giving birth to a child with a neural tube defect (for example, anencephaly or spina bifida) by 50 percent to 70 percent. Other studies have indicated that folic acid may help to reduce the risk of miscarriage as well as the odds that you will develop high blood pressure during pregnancy. There’s even some evidence that, when combined with an adequate intake of iron, folic acid may offer your baby-to-be a measure of protection against childhood leukemia.

To increase your intake of this important nutrient, you should consume foods that are naturally high in folic acid, such as oranges, orange juice, honeydew melon, avocados, dark green vegetables (broccoli, Brussels sprouts, romaine lettuce, spinach), asparagus, bean sprouts, corn, cauliflower, dried beans, nuts, seeds, bran cereals, whole-grain products, wheat germ, and fortified breakfast cereals. You should plan to talk to your doctor or midwife about whether it would be a good idea for you to take a folic acid supplement as well. (Most women find that it is difficult to get enough folic acid through diet alone.)

Because neural tube defects can occur very early on in pregnancy, it’s important to ensure that you have adequate levels of folic acid in your diet before you start trying to conceive. That’s why most doctors recommend that you consume adequate amounts of folic acid throughout your childbearing years. After all, nearly half (49 percent) of pregnancies are unplanned.

It’s also important to ensure that your diet contains sufficient quantities of iron. During pregnancy, a woman’s iron needs double. The extra iron is required to create additional red blood cells that carry oxygen from your lungs to all parts of your body as well as your growing baby.

If you find that you are tired all the time, it could be because you’re low on iron. Try boosting your iron intake by consuming iron-rich foods, such as whole-grain and enriched cereals, lean meats, dried peas and beans, dark green vegetables, and dried fruits. Because vitamin C helps your body absorb iron, consume these iron-rich foods with a glass of orange juice or other foods that are high in vitamin C, such as melons, strawberries, grapefruits, raspberries, kiwi, broccoli, tomatoes, sweet potatoes, and so on Finally, you’ll also want to ensure that your diet contains an adequate amount of calcium. A woman who is calcium-deficient prior to and during pregnancy may end up giving birth prematurely to a calcium-deficient baby. Just don’t go overboard in the calcium department: consuming more than 2,500 mg of calcium per day from supplements and food sources (e.g., milk, yogurt, cheese) puts you at increased risk of developing a urinary tract infection and it can make it more difficult for your body to absorb other important nutrients such as iron, zinc, and magnesium.

Source : The Unofficial Guide to Having a Baby. Second Edition . Ann Douglas and John R. Sussman, M.D. 2004

The Age issue to Having a Baby (part 1)

While you might be tempted to hold off on starting a family until you have your financial house in order, it might not be the wisest move from a biological standpoint. According to the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists, postponing motherhood indefinitely isn’t necessarily in the best interests of mother or baby. Not only do you risk missing out on the experience of motherhood entirely (the biological clock waits for no woman, after all), you face an increased risk of experiencing reproductive or other health problems, or of giving birth to a baby with health problems. Here’s what you need to know in order to be fully informed on the age issue:

■ Older mothers are less fertile than younger mothers.

According to the American Society for Reproductive Medicine, a woman over age 40 has just a 5 percent chance of conceiving during any given cycle as compared to the 20 percent odds enjoyed by a woman in her early 20s.

■ Older mothers face an increased risk of miscarriage.

According to a study reported in the British Medical Journal, by the time a woman reaches age 45, her odds of having a pregnancy end in miscarriage are roughly 75 percent.

■ Older mothers face an increased risk of giving birth to a baby with a chromosomal abnormality.

While a 25-year-old woman faces 1/476 odds of giving birth to a baby with a chromosomal abnormality such as Down syndrome, a 45-year-old woman faces 1/21 odds.

■ Older mothers are more likely to conceive twins or other multiples than younger mothers.

Because complications are more common in multiple pregnancies and multiples are more likely to be born prematurely, the rate of loss in multiple pregnancies tends to be higher than when a

woman is carrying a single baby.

■ Older mothers are more likely to develop complications during their pregnancies. Preeclampsia (extremely high blood pressure), placenta previa (when the placenta blocks the exit to the uterus), placental abruptions (the premature separation of the placenta from the uterine wall), gestational diabetes (a form of diabetes that is triggered during pregnancy), premature birth (birth before the 37th completed week of pregnancy), and intrauterine growth restriction (when the baby ends up being significantly smaller than what would be expected for a baby of a particular gestational age) are all more common in order mothers than in younger mothers. Women over the age of 40 are also more likely to have preexisting health problems such as coronary artery disease that may complicate their pregnancies — yet another reason to keep an eye on the biological clock.

■ Older mothers are more likely to require an operative delivery.

Forceps, vacuum extractions, and inductions are more common among older mothers, and, what’s more, older mothers are more likely to require a cesarean delivery than their younger counterparts. (A study reported in the medical journal Obstetrics and Gynecology noted that mothers over the age of 44 are 7.5 times as likely to require a cesarean delivery as younger mothers.)

Continue…

Source : The Unofficial Guide to Having a Baby. Second Edition . Ann Douglas and John R. Sussman, M.D. 2004

What Is a Real Mom?

Hey, Mom: Are you real? Is what you’re doing as a mother going to “last for always”?

Sure, that may sound like a silly question, but the answer is going to tell you a lot about just how effective you are as a mother, how influential you will be on your children’s lives, and whether they will grow up to be happy adults with character and confidence. It will also make a big difference in just how happy your family is now, today, every day.

What does a real mom look like?

• A real mom doesn’t worry about what other moms are doing or saying.
• A real mom knows her children so well that she makes her parenting decisions based on their unique needs.
• A real mom is clear about her personal values and code of behavior, and sticks to them.
• A real mom knows what’s important for her family and keeps those priorities straight.
• A real mom has confidence in her maternal instinct and isn’t pushed around by the latest pressures and trends.
• A real mom knows that what matters most is a close connection with her children so that her influence lasts for always.

And what does a real mom do?

Above all, she stays true to herself and connected to her kids, and she doesn’t deviate from what she knows is best for her family.

• Real moms have a life of their own.
• Real moms break the rules for their family.
• Real moms let their kids wear the same clothes two days in a row.
• Real moms go on a date with their husbands and aren’t afraid to miss the PTA meeting.
• Real moms give their kids pots and pans to play with.
• Real moms leave their food on the tray and head for the parking lot when their kid has a meltdown at McDonalds.
• Real moms make their kids do their own homework.
• Real moms aren’t afraid to say no.
• Real moms give themselves time-outs.
• Real moms tell their kids they don’t have to play Beethoven’s “Für Elise” at the family reunion.
• Real moms know it’s not personal when their kids say, “You’re the meanest mother in the whole world.”
• Real moms say “Good job” when their kids get an A but hold off on the brand-new Lexus.
• Real moms make their sixteen-year-olds set their own alarm clocks.
• Real moms tell their kids to pay their own library fines.
• Real moms ask Uncle Harry to put on the lampshade and do his juggling act on the kitchen table as the birthday party clown.
• Real moms let their kids be bored.
• Real moms say, “Not in our family” when their kids complain that “But everyone else does.”
• Real moms say, “I’m not an ATM machine” and tell their kids to save money.
• Real moms admit they’re wrong.
• Real moms know they’re not perfect.
• Real moms leave the dust when the playgroup comes over.
• Real moms admit when they’re grouchy.
• Real moms send their kid to canoe paddling camp when the other mothers enroll theirs in intensive Chinese language immersion.

Source : 12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know. GETTING BACK TO BASICS AND RAISING HAPPY KIDS . Michele Borba, Ed.D. 2006

Pregnancy Series : Doctor's Visit

The closer you get to the actual birth the more you and your wife will have to go to the doctor. This is so you know everything is going along okay, and so the doctor can keep making those payments on the Porsche.
While these visits aren’t easy on your wallet, and can be a bit painful for your wife and probably even a little gross for the doctor, they are usually pretty painless for you. As long as you don’t look in the wrong direction at the wrong time, these visits can be a good chance for you to catch up on some magazine reading—and they’re a darn good reason for missing some work.

Source : John Zakour. A Man's Guide to Pregnancy.2003

Pregnancy series : The First Trimester

The first trimester is a strange time. Your wife may look pretty much like the same woman she was before your sperm and her ovum collided, but her body is going through changes even faster than you can change channels with a brand new remote. Hormones are firing away and all sorts of other chemicals are doing their stuff. The resulting side effects are varied, not only from woman to woman, but for each individual woman from hour to hour. You can expect that your wife will be more tired than normal. This tiredness ranges from very little, to as if you are living with a female bear in deep hibernation. (A smart husband who plans ahead can also take advantage of this by timing the pregnancy so his wife is in the first trimester during the championships of his favorite sport.)

Another thing you can expect to some degree is morning sickness. The name is kind of general, and with good reason. This sickness can be anything from a little upset tummy to a full-blown, hold nothing back, tossing of one’s cookies. Most women fall somewhere in between. The sickness can also appear at any time or throughout the day. So remember, if you see your wife heading towards the bathroom, don’t stop her to ask her what’s for breakfast—and don’t get in her way.

Also, many women have to go to the bathroom more often during this trimester. This is another one of those perfectly normal but totally baffling chemical reactions. Once again, if you see your wife rushing quickly towards the bathroom, make sure you stay clear.

Finally, and most scary, you can expect pretty big mood changes. To use the remote control analogy again, she can change her mood faster than you can cycle through all the channels—even if you don’t have cable. These mood swings are often directed towards you, the husband, as you are usually the closest object to her, plus you were directly involved with the start of this whole process. Sometimes she’ll treat you like you’re Fabio or that guy who took his shirt off on that old Coke commercial. Other times she’ll treat you like you just gave Fabio a brush cut and made the guy on the Coke commercial put his shirt back on. Or, she may treat you as if you had just shot Fabio, that Coke guy, and her favorite hairdresser. You—being the man—are pretty much helpless here. All you can really do is enjoy the good moods, and batten down the hatches to weather the bad moods. Remember, this probably won’t last much longer than a few months.

Source : John Zakour. A Man's Guide to Pregnancy.2003