Minimising the risk of Influenza A (H1N1) Infection from mother to baby

• The spectrum of disease of pandemic influenza A H1N1 09 in newborns is unclear
• Breast feeding should be strongly encouraged

Sensible efforts should be made to reduce the likelihood the baby will be infected, while minimising the effect on the mother-baby relationship. These include:

• treating the mother to reduce the risk of transmission (the mother is considered non-infectious after 72 hours of treatment with antiviral medicine)
• the mother and baby should sleep in separate beds
• when breast feeding, bathing, caring for, cuddling, or otherwise being within 1 metre of the baby, the mother should:
• wash her hands thoroughly with soap and water before interacting with the baby
• always use cough etiquette near the baby.

Although these measures can be ceased when the mother is no longer infectious, continued good hygiene should be encouraged at all times. These measures should apply to any carer or family member with influenza.

• Mothers requiring hospital care should not be prematurely discharged because they have influenza
• If discharged while still infectious, mothers should be provided with a sufficient supply of surgical masks to take home
• Prophylaxis is not recommended for the baby. Should the baby develop symptoms, the baby should be isolated from other babies, assessed urgently by a paediatrician, and if influenza is diagnosed, considered for treatment with antiviral medicine.

Source: The Royal Australian and New Zealand College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists

Preterm birth

Preterm birth is the leading cause of neonatal death in multiples. Although the mere fact that you are carrying multiples puts you at increased risk of experiencing a pre-term birth, there are other factors that add to your risk. You’re at increased risk if

■ you have had abdominal surgery during the current pregnancy (for example, an appendectomy);

■ you have an abnormal uterine structure;

■ you have fibroids (benign uterine tumors);

■ you are experiencing emotional or physical stress;

■ you have high blood pressure;

■ you develop a high fever during pregnancy;

■ you have a kidney infection;

■ you are outside of the optimal age range (that is, if you are under 16 or over 35);

■ you are a DES daughter (your mother took diethylstilbestrol — DES — when she was pregnant with you);

■ you have been diagnosed with placenta pre-via;

■ you have been diagnosed with poly hydramnios;

■ you haven’t gained enough weight;

■ you have previously experienced premature labor or delivery;

■ you have been experiencing unexplained vaginal bleeding;

■ you are a smoker.

Although cerclage (a surgical procedure in which the cervix is stitched shut to prevent it from dilating prematurely) was once considered to be an effective means of preventing premature labor, most doctors no longer agree with its routine use in women carrying multiples. These days, cerclage is performed only on women with weak cervixes — a condition that the medical profession charmingly refers to as cervical incompetence. (As you probably realize, this is just a less-than-diplomatic way of saying that the cervix is unable to withstand the weight of the developing fetus, or fetuses, and opens prematurely.)

Source : The Unofficial Guide to Having a Baby. Second Edition . Ann Douglas and John R. Sussman, M.D. 2004

How will I know when my baby is sick?

A lot of first-time parents worry that they will fail to pick up on the warning signs that their baby is seriously ill. Fortunately, most quickly discover that their “parent radar” is more finely tuned than they thought and that they are able to zero in on the following symptoms of illness with relatively little difficulty:

■ Runny nose (usually caused by a viral infection such as the common cold, but can also be triggered by allergies or chemical sensitivities);

■ Coughing (can be caused by the common cold, allergies, exposure to cigarette smoke and other irritants, or chronic lung diseases);

■ Wheezing (caused by the narrowing of the air passages in the lungs and the presence of excess mucus in the major airways);

■ Croup (a noisy, seal-like bark that is caused by an inflammation of the windpipe below the vocal cords);

■ Diarrhea and/or abdominal cramps (can be triggered by a gastrointestinal problem, a food sensitivity, or other illnesses);

■ Vomiting (caused by a related illness and generally only cause for concern if your child is becoming dehydrated);

■ Changes to your baby’s skin color (e.g., extreme paleness or extreme flushedness; can be the result of a systemic or localized infection);

■ Rashes (caused by a viral or bacterial infection or an allergic reaction to a food, medication, or other substances);

■ Behavioral changes such as extreme fussiness or lethargy (caused by an illness or infection);

■ Fever (caused by an infection, a reaction to an immunization, or overdressing your baby).

Source : The Unofficial Guide to Having a Baby. Second Edition . Ann Douglas and John R. Sussman, M.D. 2004

Real Mom’s Secret : A Mother who Loves Teaches Worth. Is This Part of Your Parenting?

Here are some questions to ask yourself:

1. How well do you really know your child?

• What are your child’s real passions, the things he loves to do? What are his interests, his hobbies? What does he tune in to or seem fascinated about?
• What are her true talents? For instance, does she draw well? Does she have great rhythm, incredible grace, endurance, a kind heart? Does she think in numbers, have an amazing vocabulary?
• What are his academic abilities? For instance, does he remember things quickly, enjoy reading or listening, like to write, have a knack for numbers, have a long attention span?
• How does she handle social settings? Is she more of a watcher or a joiner? Does she lead or follow? Does she buckle to peer pressure or stand up to it? Does she prefer to be around lots of people, a few, or none at all? Does she make friends easily or need guidance? Is she more of an extrovert or an introvert?
• How well does he handle pressure or criticism? Do deadlines stimulate or paralyze him? Does he need reminders, or is he self-motivated? When he fails, does he need encouragement, or does he pick himself right back up? Does criticism shrivel him or help him? Does he welcome competition or wither? Is he laid back or intense? Does he have positive or negative self-esteem?

2. Thinking now about the profile you’ve just created for your child, you need to ask yourself whether your hopes and dreams for her are based on who she really is or on who you want her to be. Are your current expectations—the ones you’ve more recently crafted for your child’s life—matching your kid so that they enhance his self-esteem? Are your dreams in line with your kid? What would need altering? Here are some things to consider: Would you say for the most part that your child is thriving or barely surviving? Loving the competitive pace or dreading it? Jumping out of bed each morning with an “I can’t wait” attitude for practice or playgroup or violin, or using excuses to get out of it? Is she talking excitedly about gymnastics or that new chess

club you’ve enrolled her in, or is she feigning headaches? Is your kid really capable of taking the accelerated class, doing the chore, participating in soccer or the playgroup? Are some of the tasks above his level of ability? Is he mature enough? Is this something he really wants to do, or is this your dream? Does he have the skills needed to succeed? Write a list of your concerns. Doing so will help you develop a plan to deal with them.

3. Has your kid or someone else ever wondered out loud if you’re being sensitive to who your kid really is?

4. If you’re sitting in a room and your child walks in unexpectedly, do your eyes light up with joy no matter what’s the latest mishap?

5. If there is one thing you could do to be more sensitive to your child and show your unconditional love, what would it be?

Source : 12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know. GETTING BACK TO BASICS AND RAISING HAPPY KIDS . Michele Borba, Ed.D. 2006

What’s up, doc? Things to talk about with your doctor

Fifteen years ago, women didn’t show up on their doctors’ doorsteps until they had missed their second period and were 99 percent sure they were pregnant. Today, most doctors recommend that their patients come in for a checkup before they start trying to conceive.

The reason for the change in thinking is obvious. Recent studies about the benefits of preconception health have served to hammer home an important message: It’s not enough to quit smoking, improve your eating habits, and start popping prenatal vitamins the moment the pregnancy test comes back positive. To give your baby the best possible start in life, you need to ensure that you are in the best possible health before you start trying to conceive.

Here’s why.

Even though today’s pregnancy tests are highly sensitive and allow women to test for pregnancy sooner than ever before, you probably won’t know for sure that you’re pregnant until at least four weeks after the date of your last menstrual period — perhaps even longer if your cycles are particularly lengthy or irregular. During this time when you’re wondering whether you’re pregnant, your baby’s major organs are being formed — a process that medical science refers to as either organogenesis or embryogenesis. That’s why it’s so important to be as healthy as possible before you start trying to conceive. This means setting up an appointment to see your doctor for a preconception checkup.

Source : The Unofficial Guide to Having a Baby. Second Edition . Ann Douglas and John R. Sussman, M.D. 2004

The Twelve Qualities Your Child Needs for a Life That’s Happily Ever After

Look at your child and try to picture him or her in twenty-five years as a grown-up. What do you see? Does your son or daughter have these twelve essential qualities:

1. Is he happy, optimistic, and secure? Does he have authentic self-esteem?

2. Is she in a healthy, loving relationship? Does she have good friends and loyal allies?

3. Does he have a strong moral compass? Does he have good values and strong character?

4. Does she have empathy and compassion for all people? Is she kind, unselfish, and humane?

5. Does he have self-control and patience? Can he delay gratification?

6. Is she able to make good decisions on her own?

7. Is he self-reliant?

8. Is she responsible and internally motivated? Does she have a good work ethic?

9. Is he practical and resourceful in handling day-to-day living?

10. Is she resilient? If life throws her a curve, can she bounce back?

11. Is he confident and positive about his identity and strengths?

12. Does she have fun? Does she laugh? Is her life balanced between work and love, self and others?

Yes, each of our kids is born with a certain temperament and genetic predisposition. Certainly there are some things about our kids’ development that are not under our control— but many are.

Source : 12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know. GETTING BACK TO BASICS AND RAISING HAPPY KIDS . Michele Borba, Ed.D. 2006

Getting ready to get pregnant : Have you been diagnosed with endometriosis?

Endometriosis is the name given to a medical condition in which tissue similar to the tissue that lines the inside of the uterus grows outside the uterus, typically on the surfaces of organs in the pelvic and abdominal regions. Endometriosis is one of the top three causes of female infertility. Approximately 30 percent to 40 percent of women with the condition experience fertility problems.

Researchers are unsure why endometriosis affects fertility, but they think that the condition may interfere with the uterus’s ability to accept an embryo, change the egg in some way, or prevent the fertilized egg from making its way to the uterus in its normal fashion.

Because endometriosis often goes undiagnosed, it’s important to be aware of the key symptoms of this medical condition so that you can seek treatment sooner rather than later if you suspect you may be affected:

■ extremely painful (even disabling) menstrual cramps

■ heavy menstrual periods

■ premenstrual spotting

■ bleeding between periods

■ chronic pelvic pain (including pain in the lower back and pelvic region)

■ pain in the intestinal region

■ painful bowel movements or painful urination during menstruation

■ gastrointestinal symptoms (especially the urge to evacuate or pain with bowel movements)

■ fatigue

■ difficulty becoming pregnant.

Note: In vitro fertilization (IVF) has proven to be quite effective in treating infertility in women with endometriosis.

Source : The Unofficial Guide to Having a Baby. Second Edition . Ann Douglas and John R. Sussman, M.D. 2004

A Real Mom’s Resource Guide

College of the Overwhelmed: The Campus Mental Health Crisis and What to Do About It, by Richard D. Kadison and Theresa Foy Di-Geronimo (San Francisco: Jossey-Bass, 2004). Sure, your kids may still be toddlers, but every parent should be aware of this book, and the sooner you read it the better. Written by the chief of the Mental Health Service at Harvard University Health Services, the book warns us of a mental health crisis in college students today. With the rising numbers of stressedout, depressed, suicidal students who cannot cope with failure (that is, their first B grade), parents need to understand the crisis now to better prepare their kids for life later.

The Heart of Parenting: Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child, by John Gottman, with Joan deClaire (New York: Simon & Schuster, 1997). A renowned psychologist teaches you the five steps of Emotion Coaching not only to help you tune in to your children’s emotional needs but also to help kids become better at soothing themselves when they are upset.

“Help Me, I’m Sad,” by David G. Fassler and Lynne S. Dumas (New York: Viking, 1997). This book is full of solid advice for parents on recognizing, treating, and preventing childhood and adolescent depression.

The Hurried Child: Growing Up Too Fast Too Soon, by David Elkind (New York: Perseus, 2001). The title says it all. Now in its third edition, this classic is still pertinent today.

KidStress, by Georgia Witkin (New York: Viking, 1999). This book talks about what causes kids’ stress and offers practical ideas to alleviate it.

The Over-Scheduled Child, by Alvin Rosenfeld and Nicole Wise (New York: St. Martin’s Griffin, 2001). The authors make a compelling argument against what they consider “hyperparenting” and the impact it has on kids. Put this book on your “mustread” list, Mom.

Parenting by Heart: How to Stay Connected to Your Child in a Disconnected World, by Ron Taffel, with Melinda Blau (Cambridge, Mass.: Perseus, 2002). In this book based around a long-standing series of parenting workshops, Taffel aims to debunk the most damaging myths of parenthood and replace them with a flexible set of solutions that can be easily adapted to different situations. This book presents a variety of innovative ideas that can boost our sensitivity to our children’s needs. Taffel, as always, is practical and affirming.

Positive Pushing: How to Raise a Successful and Happy Child, by Jim Taylor (New York: Hyperion, 2005). Dr. Taylor shows that achievement and happiness can be mutually inclusive. By providing active guidance and positive support, parents free their children to seek out and pursue true success and happiness in life.

The Pressured Child: Helping Your Child Find Success in School and Life, by Michael Thompson, with Teresa Barker (New York: Ballantine, 2004). This book helps sensitize parents to the real pressures that new cultural norms impose on kids at school these days and offers advice to parents and educators on how to help children cope. It is based on interviews with children, parents, and teachers and—most revealing—shadowing students at school.

What Do You Really Want for Your Children? by Wayne W. Dyer (New York: Avon, 1985). This book offers straightforward advice about raising children and increasing their self-esteem.

Your Anxious Child: How Parents and Teachers Can Relieve Anxiety inChildren, by John S. Dacey and Lisa B. Fiore (San Francisco: Jossey-Bass, 2000). This book describes proven ways to help kids handle stress and cope with difficulties more confidently.

Source : 12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know. GETTING BACK TO BASICS AND RAISING HAPPY KIDS . Michele Borba, Ed.D. 2006

Getting ready to get pregnant : Are you anemic?

If you are anemic, the hemoglobin in your blood is insufficient to carry the amount of oxygen required to reach all of the cells in your body. This can cause serious problems during pregnancy by reducing the amount of oxygen your baby receives. If your anemia is significant, there is an increased risk for intrauterine growth restriction and also fetal hypoxia during labor. In addition, the mother will be less able to handle the blood loss associated with delivery (vaginal or cesarean) if she’s already significantly short on blood. Also, anemia that hasn’t been adequately evaluated may turn out to be a symptom of a more serious genetic or systemic disease.

Source : The Unofficial Guide to Having a Baby. Second Edition . Ann Douglas and John R. Sussman, M.D. 2004

The Urge to Be Super-mom

The result is that many moms today are suffering from what can only be described as a kind of frenzy—an abnormally high level of busyness, tension, stress, speediness, anxiety, heightened awareness, and even panic. Many moms can’t get enough sleep; they can never keep up or do enough for their kids and are feeling guilty and inadequate about it. They’re overwhelmed

trying to be Super-mom, to fulfill the expectations placed on them. They overcompensate by taking on more and more until you might as well admit that they’re in a state of Motherhood Mania. Of course, we accept those expectations. Isn’t that what a good mother does?

We know it’s not for a lack of love and good intentions. Yet it’s painfully obvious that things are bad, and we’ve got to find the reason. There’s no one easy answer, but here are eleven issues to consider:

1. New knowledge about child development.

We know a lot more about child development than we used to, and everyone agrees that parents do make a difference. What we say and do and how we behave with our children have a huge impact on their development. It’s not just nature, its nurture.

2. Competition.

Parents today want their children to excel— to do better than they did. There’s a feeling that kids have to win and do better than other kids, and there’s a big fear of failure, as if only the strong or successful can flourish in this age of anxiety. Moms find themselves fighting ruthlessly with other moms for slots in nursery schools or ice time on the hockey team.

3. More options.

Entrepreneurs have created so many attractive choices and opportunities for kids today. Parents find themselves bombarded with seductive appeals for everything from music, athletic, and academic training to adventure camps in foreign locales that are guaranteed to enrich their children’s lives or teach them a second language.

4. More media.

Here is just a one-week sampling of some of the cover stories in national magazines: Atlantic Monthly: “Stop Being a Slacker Mom”; New York Times Magazine: “Mommy Madness”; U.S. News & World Report: “Mysteries of the Teen Years”; Newsweek: “Babies and Autism”; Time: “What Teachers Hate About Parents: Pushy Dads. Hovering Moms. Parents Who Don’t Show Up at All. Are Kids Paying the Price?” During that same week, many TV and radio talk shows focused on parent-child crisis issues. Over eight hundred books on the concept of motherhood were published between 1970 and 2000; of those, only twenty-seven were published between 1970 and 1980. My mom had just one parenting “guru”: Benjamin Spock. These days it’s as though a new study comes out almost daily advising parents how to optimize their children’s potential.

5. Financial pressures.

It’s more and more expensive to be a parent. School materials, sports equipment and tournament travel, special lessons, tutoring, computer equipment—the demand for cash seems never ending. Then there’s just the “normal” stuff—clothing, food, books. With downsizing and layoffs in our roller coaster economy, parents are also concerned that their kids won’t be able to find a job unless they go to the very best schools and have better skills than anyone else. It all adds to the stress and mania.

6. Guilt.

We’re working. We’re striving. We’re often away from home more than we’d like. We’re trying to do the best for our kids, but it also means that sometimes we’re tired and cranky and don’t do everything we think we ought to be doing for our families. So we’re wracked with guilt, shame, remorse, and more guilt.

7. Wanting to be liked.

Many moms want to be their children’s best friend. They can’t stand the idea of making an unpopular decision, saying no, or (heaven forbid) disciplining their kids if doing so might cause their kids to resent them or say, “You’re mean, Mom.”

8. Outdoing their own moms.

And then there are some moms who are still dealing with unresolved conflicts from their own childhood. The last thing they want to do is repeat the same mistakes their mother made. “I’m going to be a much better mom than she was and show her how it really should be done.”

9. Lack of confidence.

Some mothers feel as though they’re being graded every day and may be flunking the Motherhood Test. They lack confidence in their judgment and are constantly second-guessing themselves.

10. Wanting a trophy child.

Have you ever seen a mother whose child is just her favorite possession—a living representation of her own worth, an accessory? Her kid’s achievements give this mom “bragging rights.” This type of mother is so self-centered that she thinks of her child only as a reflection of her own achievements.

11. The test craze.

These days there is no child left untested. Standardized tests. Achievement tests. Aptitude tests. PSATs. SATs. A child’s current worth and potential for success are coming to be dictated by a portfolio of numbers. From the preschool admission tests to LSATs— they’re making us crazy worrying that our kids aren’t going to be good enough.

And is Motherhood Mania worth it? Is it worth all the time and energy and money we’re spending? Do our kids really benefit from all these splendid extracurricular activities and stimulating experiences?

Source : 12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know. GETTING BACK TO BASICS AND RAISING HAPPY KIDS . Michele Borba, Ed.D. 2006

Getting ready to get pregnant : Do you have any chronic health conditions?

Women who suffer from serious medical conditions — such as epilepsy, lupus, diabetes, high blood pressure, heart disease, PKU (phenylketonuria), or kidney disease — require special care during pregnancy. Here are some examples of the types of issues that women with these types of conditions must confront during pregnancy:

■ Women with poorly controlled insulin-dependent diabetes are four to six times more likely to give birth to a baby with birth defects than non diabetic women. That’s why it’s so important for diabetic women to ensure that their blood sugar is well controlled both prior to and during pregnancy.

■ Women who are epileptic need to carefully consider the risks of taking anti seizure medications during pregnancy. Although some medications increase the chances of birth defects, seizures can themselves be harmful to the developing fetus.

■ Women with lupus — an autoimmune disorder in which the body attacks its own tissues — are at increased risk of experiencing miscarriage or preterm labor. As a rule of thumb, women who have been symptom free for six months prior to conceiving are likely to have a healthy pregnancy.

■ Women with chronic high blood pressure are at increased risk of developing pregnancy complications, including placental problems and fetal growth restriction. A change in medications may make it possible for a pregnant woman with chronic high blood pressure to manage her condition without harming her baby.

■ Women with heart disease or kidney problems may require a change of medications as well as careful monitoring throughout their pregnancies.

■ Women with phenylketonuria (PKU) — an inherited body-chemistry disorder in which the body is unable to process a particular type of amino acid (a building block of protein) — must follow a special diet in order to prevent mental retardation and birth defects in their babies.

Source : The Unofficial Guide to Having a Baby. Second Edition . Ann Douglas and John R. Sussman, M.D. 2004

Real Mom : Are You Ready to Make a Change?

Here are a few more questions to help you realize it’s time to get your family out of the fast lane—to slow down and make a few different parenting choices so that your kids will be happier and more confident, develop stronger values, and become self-reliant. Do any of these ring true for you or your family?

• Do you feel guilty about not living up to your own image of the perfect mom? Do you second-guess your mothering or think you’re not doing a good-enough job?
• Do you worry about your child—about whether the workload and schedule is too much?
• At your parent-teacher conference, do you find yourself asking more about your kid’s grade and how he’s competing with the rest of the class than about whether he is happy and how he gets along?
• Are you frequently stressed or exhausted or impatient with your family? Does the littlest, tiniest thing get under your skin? Are you quick to anger? Are you yelling more?
• Are you on the coach’s case complaining that your child isn’t getting enough game time or respect on the team?
• Has success become such a huge commodity in your family that your kids are afraid to let you down or disappoint you with a poor grade?
• Do you worry that your kid seems really anxious or depressed? That she’s not having any fun?
• Do you worry when your kid seems to have nothing to do, and feel as though you have to educate or entertain him every second of the day?
• Do you always compare yourself frequently to other mothers and worry that they’re doing a better job than you are?

If you answered yes to any of the questions, it’s time to you make some changes for your kids, yourself, and your family.

We’ll work on simple changes so that you stop trying to do it all and instead focus on what really matters in giving your kid what she needs to be happy and successful on her own.

Yes, it will involve a little work—but we’re talking about simple changes. I’ll show you how to make easy adjustments that can have a dramatic impact on your family. And if you stick to your commitment and do make those changes, you will be happier and more content in your mothering, and your children will have a much better chance of being successful not only in school but also in life. And that’s because you’ll be raising your kids so they can survive and thrive without you.

Source : 12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know. GETTING BACK TO BASICS AND RAISING HAPPY KIDS . Michele Borba, Ed.D. 2006

Fifteen Reasons to Quit Smoking Before You Start Trying to Conceive

1. Smoking makes you less fertile.

Women who smoke are 30 percent less fertile than other women.

2. Smoking increases the odds that you will experience a miscarriage.

Smokers are almost twice as likely to miscarry as nonsmokers.

3. Smoking increases the likelihood that your baby will be stillborn.

Babies of smokers are twice as likely to be stillborn as babies of nonsmokers.

4. Smoking causes birth defects.

Smoking 10 cigarettes per day increases the odds that you will give birth to a baby with cleft palate and cleft lip by 50 percent.

5. Smoking disrupts the flow of oxygen to the baby.

Your baby receives less oxygen because nicotine restricts the flow of blood through the blood vessels in the placenta.

6. Smoking can harm the lungs of your developing baby.

Exposure to secondhand smoke while in the womb can leave your baby more susceptible to respiratory disorders and infections during early childhood.

7. Smoking increases the odds that you will give birth prematurely.

Babies who are born prematurely tend to experience more health problems than those who are carried to term.

8. Smoking increases the odds that you will experience certain types of pregnancy-related complications.

Women who smoke during pregnancy are also more likely to experience placental abnormalities and bleeding.

9. Smoking reduces the likelihood that you will eat properly during pregnancy.

Smoking acts as an appetite supressant, and if you’re less hungry, you’re less likely to seek out the nutrient-rich foods that your body needs to grow a healthy baby.

10. Smoking interferes with the absorption of vitamin C.

Because vitamin C plays an important role in iron absorption, smoking can indirectly contribute to iron-deficiency anemia.

11. Smoking can interfere with breastfeeding.

Because smoking can decrease the quantity and quality of breast milk, smoking can lead to early weaning.

12. Smoking is linked to a number of childhood health problems.

Children who are exposed to secondhand smoke are more likely to develop asthma, bronchitis, and ear infections. And, according to some brand-new research, they are also more likely to be obese.

13. Smoking increases the odds that your baby will experience serious, even fatal, health problems during infancy.

Babies who are exposed to secondhand smoke are more likely to die of SIDS and to develop certain types of childhood brain cancers.

14. Smoking is linked to childhood behavioral problems.

A recent study found that the toddlers of mothers who smoked during pregnancy were four times as likely to be diagnosed with behavioral problems as the toddlers of nonsmokers.

15. Smoking increases the odds that your baby will develop lung cancer later in life. Children who are exposed to secondhand smoke are at greater risk of developing lung cancer than children who are not exposed to secondhand smoke.

Source : The Unofficial Guide to Having a Baby. Second Edition . Ann Douglas and John R. Sussman, M.D. 2004

Five Steps to Boosting Your Sensitivity

Step One: Match Your Expectations to Your Child's True Self.

To make sure that the expectations you set for your child are ones that stretch her potential without unintentionally zapping her self-worth, ask yourself this: Are my expectations

1. Developmentally appropriate.

Is my child developmentally ready for the tasks I’m requiring, or am I pushing him beyond the limits of his internal timetable? Learn what’s appropriate for your child’s age, but still keep in mind that developmental guidelines are not etched in stone. It’s always best to start from where your child is.

2. Realistic.

Is my expectation fair and reasonable, or am I expecting too much? Realistic expectations stretch kids to aim higher, without pushing them beyond their capabilities. Be careful of setting standards too high. Putting your child in situations that are too difficult puts her at risk of failing and lowering her feelings of competence.

3. Child oriented.

Is what I’m expecting something my child wants, or is it something I want more for myself? We all want our kids to be successful, but we have to be constantly wary of setting goals for our kids that are attempts to fulfill our dreams and not those of our kids.

4. Success oriented.

Am I setting the kind of expectations that tell my child I believe he’s responsible, reliable, and worthy? Effective expectations encourage kids to be their best so that they can develop a solid belief in themselves.

Don’t get so wrapped up in your hopes and dreams for your child’s future that you lose sight of what matters most in the here and now. After all, what could be more important than your child’s knowing that you love and cherish her for who she is—not for what you want her to be and what you hope she will become?

Step Two: Tune In to What’s Really Going On with Your Kid.

Put down that cell phone. Don’t worry about the dust. Be intentional. Take time every day—I’m not talking hours, just a few minutes—to take a good look at your child’s life and how things are going.

Step Three: Check Your Kid’s Vital Signs.

First the face: Are his eyes sparkling or flat? Is he scowling or smiling? Next the body language: Is she relaxed or stiff? Slumped down or coiled up? Finally, the voice: Is it tense and edgy or warm and resonant? Are you hearing whines or laughter? Any sudden changes in behavior: Clinginess? Anger or temper tantrums? Avoidance of situations? Negativity? Loss or big increase of appetite? Too little or too much sleep? Remember, your child isn’t going to come up and say outright, “You’re making demands on me I can’t fulfill,” but there are many ways, if you’re sensitive, that you can see it for yourself.

Step Four: Identify the Specific Misfit Between Expectation and Reality.

Is that accelerated class too hard? Is the coach too demanding? Are you too critical of your kid’s grades? Is that clique you’ve encouraged her to join too upscale? Talk to your spouse, the teacher, or your best friend.

Step Five: Take Action to Remove the Mismatch Between Your Expectation and Reality.

Find a better class. Take a break from soccer. Back off from stressing over grade-point average. Let your child choose her own friends. Remain vigilante and sensitive to your kid’s needs. Never stop checking for stress and overload, identifying the potential causes and taking action to provide the remedy.

Source : 12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know. GETTING BACK TO BASICS AND RAISING HAPPY KIDS . Michele Borba, Ed.D. 2006

Getting ready to get pregnant : Do you skip meals regularly?

If you’re in the habit of skipping meals, your body could be missing out on such important nutrients as folic acid, iron, and calcium. It’s particularly important to ensure that your diet contains adequate quantities of folic acid. Studies have shown that women who consume at least 0.4 mg of folic acid each day reduce their chances of giving birth to a child with a neural tube defect (for example, anencephaly or spina bifida) by 50 percent to 70 percent. Other studies have indicated that folic acid may help to reduce the risk of miscarriage as well as the odds that you will develop high blood pressure during pregnancy. There’s even some evidence that, when combined with an adequate intake of iron, folic acid may offer your baby-to-be a measure of protection against childhood leukemia.

To increase your intake of this important nutrient, you should consume foods that are naturally high in folic acid, such as oranges, orange juice, honeydew melon, avocados, dark green vegetables (broccoli, Brussels sprouts, romaine lettuce, spinach), asparagus, bean sprouts, corn, cauliflower, dried beans, nuts, seeds, bran cereals, whole-grain products, wheat germ, and fortified breakfast cereals. You should plan to talk to your doctor or midwife about whether it would be a good idea for you to take a folic acid supplement as well. (Most women find that it is difficult to get enough folic acid through diet alone.)

Because neural tube defects can occur very early on in pregnancy, it’s important to ensure that you have adequate levels of folic acid in your diet before you start trying to conceive. That’s why most doctors recommend that you consume adequate amounts of folic acid throughout your childbearing years. After all, nearly half (49 percent) of pregnancies are unplanned.

It’s also important to ensure that your diet contains sufficient quantities of iron. During pregnancy, a woman’s iron needs double. The extra iron is required to create additional red blood cells that carry oxygen from your lungs to all parts of your body as well as your growing baby.

If you find that you are tired all the time, it could be because you’re low on iron. Try boosting your iron intake by consuming iron-rich foods, such as whole-grain and enriched cereals, lean meats, dried peas and beans, dark green vegetables, and dried fruits. Because vitamin C helps your body absorb iron, consume these iron-rich foods with a glass of orange juice or other foods that are high in vitamin C, such as melons, strawberries, grapefruits, raspberries, kiwi, broccoli, tomatoes, sweet potatoes, and so on Finally, you’ll also want to ensure that your diet contains an adequate amount of calcium. A woman who is calcium-deficient prior to and during pregnancy may end up giving birth prematurely to a calcium-deficient baby. Just don’t go overboard in the calcium department: consuming more than 2,500 mg of calcium per day from supplements and food sources (e.g., milk, yogurt, cheese) puts you at increased risk of developing a urinary tract infection and it can make it more difficult for your body to absorb other important nutrients such as iron, zinc, and magnesium.

Source : The Unofficial Guide to Having a Baby. Second Edition . Ann Douglas and John R. Sussman, M.D. 2004

Six Core Principles of Real Mothering

Having traveled around a lot talking, interviewing, and surveying mothers across the United States and throughout the world these past few years, I can tell you with confidence that being a real mother is founded on just six core principles that these women knew all along. A responsible, caring woman

1. Loves her children deeply and is committed to raising them to the best of her ability

2. Knows the essential and proven parenting principles

3. Maintains a strong belief that no one understands or knows better what’s best for her child than herself

4. Recognizes her child’s and her own unique strengths and temperament, and customizes her parenting to fit

5. Has the confidence to act on these beliefs

6. Knows, above all else, that it’s the connection with her child that matters most

The true essence of real mothering lies in who you really are and how you connect with your child—and that’s what we’ve so often forgotten.

We need to get back to real mothering. The benefits of doing so are profound for you, your child, and your family—they last for always. And the sooner we return to basic, instinctive, natural, authentic mothering, the stronger our families will be.

Source : 12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know. GETTING BACK TO BASICS AND RAISING HAPPY KIDS . Michele Borba, Ed.D. 2006

The Benefits of Being a Real Mother

Some of the long-term dividends of being a real mother are obvious and easy to appreciate; others are more subtle, yet no less important. Here is my list of seven reasons we need to get real:

1. Real moms can help their kids buck peer pressure because the certainty and firmness of their conviction strengthens their influence on their kids.

2. Real moms’ children are more likely to adopt their mother’s values because their mother hasn’t watered down her beliefs with the latest trends or moral compromises.

3. Real moms are likely to be better models of patience and self control because they’re being themselves and are at peace with who they are.

4. Real moms are happier and have more joy in their families because there is so much less pretense and putting on to keep up.

5. Real moms are less guilty and anxious because they’re not trying to be perfect by other people’s standards.

6. Real moms are more appreciated because their kids have had a chance to know their interests and passions.

7. Real moms have more energy for their families because they don’t waste time doing things that don’t match their priorities and beliefs.

The result of all these wonderful benefits is that real moms enjoy a powerful connection with their children that lasts for always. If your kids are two, three, twenty, or older, the bond remains as strong and important as ever. You could even say that your model and the lessons you’ve learned are carried with them in their own lives and families. It’s the most important legacy that you can ever provide.

Source : 12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know. GETTING BACK TO BASICS AND RAISING HAPPY KIDS . Michele Borba, Ed.D. 2006

Getting ready to get pregnant : Are you at a healthy weight?

It’s always best to try to embark on pregnancy at a healthy weight, if you can manage it. Here’s why:

■ Seriously underweight or overweight women don’t tend to ovulate as often as other women, something that can wreak havoc on a woman’s efforts to conceive.

■ Seriously underweight women are at increased risk of giving birth to a low-birth weight baby (a baby who weighs less than five pounds at birth and who may be at increased risk of experiencing some potentially serious health problems).

■ Seriously overweight women face a higher-than-average risk of experiencing pre-eclampsia, gestational diabetes, of requiring a labor induction and/or a cesarean section, and of giving birth to extremely large babies, babies with neural tube defects, babies with heart defects, or babies who are at increased risk of developing diabetes later in life.

■ If you’re not an ideal weight, you might want to try to lose weight or gain weight so that you reach a healthy range before you start trying to conceive. Just don’t try to lose a ton of weight overnight: that’s not healthy for you or the baby and may throw a wrench in your baby-making plans anyway by disrupting ovulation.

Source : The Unofficial Guide to Having a Baby. Second Edition . Ann Douglas and John R. Sussman, M.D. 2004

The age issue to Having a Baby (part 2)

If you decide to put your baby-making plans on hold for the foreseeable future, but you’re still hoping to become a mother someday, it’s important that you take steps now to safeguard your future fertility. Here are the key points to keep in mind:

■ Choose a birth control method that is fertility enhancing.

The birth control pill (a.k.a. “the Pill”) gets top marks from fertility experts because it changes the consistency of your cervical mucus, making it more difficult for bacteria to pass through the mucus and into your uterus and tubes. The Pill also serves up some added benefits on the fertility

front: it helps to prevent ovarian cysts, halt the progression of endometriosis (a condition that can lead to fallopian tube scarring), to decrease the incidence of ovarian and uterine cancer, and to restore a normal hormonal balance in women who don’t ovulate. Of course, it doesn’t provide you with protection against sexually transmitted diseases, so that’s something you’ll want to keep in mind if you haven’t quite settled upon Mr. Right yet. A birth control method you might want to steer clear of until your baby-making days are behind you is the intrauterine device (IUD): it has been linked to an increase incidence of pelvic inflammatory disease — a major cause of infertility in women.

■ Pay attention to any gynecological red flags.

If you notice an unusual discharge from your breasts or detect any unusual menstrual bleeding, see your gynecologist sooner rather than later. The sooner you seek treatment for any hormonal imbalances or other gynecological health problems, the less likely these problems are to take a toll on your future fertility.

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Source : The Unofficial Guide to Having a Baby. Second Edition . Ann Douglas and John R. Sussman, M.D. 2004

The Age issue to Having a Baby (part 1)

While you might be tempted to hold off on starting a family until you have your financial house in order, it might not be the wisest move from a biological standpoint. According to the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists, postponing motherhood indefinitely isn’t necessarily in the best interests of mother or baby. Not only do you risk missing out on the experience of motherhood entirely (the biological clock waits for no woman, after all), you face an increased risk of experiencing reproductive or other health problems, or of giving birth to a baby with health problems. Here’s what you need to know in order to be fully informed on the age issue:

■ Older mothers are less fertile than younger mothers.

According to the American Society for Reproductive Medicine, a woman over age 40 has just a 5 percent chance of conceiving during any given cycle as compared to the 20 percent odds enjoyed by a woman in her early 20s.

■ Older mothers face an increased risk of miscarriage.

According to a study reported in the British Medical Journal, by the time a woman reaches age 45, her odds of having a pregnancy end in miscarriage are roughly 75 percent.

■ Older mothers face an increased risk of giving birth to a baby with a chromosomal abnormality.

While a 25-year-old woman faces 1/476 odds of giving birth to a baby with a chromosomal abnormality such as Down syndrome, a 45-year-old woman faces 1/21 odds.

■ Older mothers are more likely to conceive twins or other multiples than younger mothers.

Because complications are more common in multiple pregnancies and multiples are more likely to be born prematurely, the rate of loss in multiple pregnancies tends to be higher than when a

woman is carrying a single baby.

■ Older mothers are more likely to develop complications during their pregnancies. Preeclampsia (extremely high blood pressure), placenta previa (when the placenta blocks the exit to the uterus), placental abruptions (the premature separation of the placenta from the uterine wall), gestational diabetes (a form of diabetes that is triggered during pregnancy), premature birth (birth before the 37th completed week of pregnancy), and intrauterine growth restriction (when the baby ends up being significantly smaller than what would be expected for a baby of a particular gestational age) are all more common in order mothers than in younger mothers. Women over the age of 40 are also more likely to have preexisting health problems such as coronary artery disease that may complicate their pregnancies — yet another reason to keep an eye on the biological clock.

■ Older mothers are more likely to require an operative delivery.

Forceps, vacuum extractions, and inductions are more common among older mothers, and, what’s more, older mothers are more likely to require a cesarean delivery than their younger counterparts. (A study reported in the medical journal Obstetrics and Gynecology noted that mothers over the age of 44 are 7.5 times as likely to require a cesarean delivery as younger mothers.)

Continue…

Source : The Unofficial Guide to Having a Baby. Second Edition . Ann Douglas and John R. Sussman, M.D. 2004