Thursday, November 20, 2008

Coping with grief during pregnancy

Pregnancy is an emotional time, so it’s hardly surprising that it can trigger painful feelings of grief about the deaths of loved ones. If, for example, you recently lost a parent or a grandparent, or your partner died during your pregnancy, you may regret the fact that this special person in your life didn’t live long enough to meet your new baby. And, of course, the breakup of a marriage can trigger waves of grief that are not unlike the grief that many people experience following the death of a loved one. So if you find yourself unexpectedly single midway through your pregnancy, you may find yourself grieving the loss of your marriage and your hopes and dreams of co-parenting along with your ex.

A loved one’s death doesn’t have to be recent to trigger waves of emotion, incidentally. Some women who lost their mothers during childhood or their early teens find that they experience a period of “re-grieving” when they find themselves motherless during pregnancy. “I found myself with so many questions that a woman would normally ask her mother,” says Kelly, a 35-year-old mother of one. “It was the loneliest feeling in the world to realize that I didn’t have a mother to share my own journey to motherhood with.”

If you find that grief is affecting your ability to enjoy your pregnancy, you may want to talk to a friend who has been through a similar loss, find out if there is a grief support group operating in your community, or set up an appointment with a grief counselor who has experience with your particular type of loss.

Regardless of what type of support you line up for yourself, it’s important to find a healthy way to vent your feelings of loss so that you can break free from the tidal wave of grief that may threaten to drag you down and give yourself permission to look forward to the wonderful future that awaits you and your new baby.

Source : The Unofficial Guide to Having a Baby. Second Edition . Ann Douglas and John R. Sussman, M.D. 2004

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