You may not always recognize boys with ADHD, but believe us, they are everywhere. The American Psychiatric Association (2000) stated in its text revision of the fourth edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders that “The prevalence of Attention-Deficit/ Hyperactivity Disorder has been estimated at 3%–7% in school age children” (p. 90). That’s a lot of kids!
Furthermore, some organizations say up to 9.5% of the population has ADHD. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention website (2011), 5.4 million children ages 5–17 have been diagnosed with ADHD by a healthcare professional. The CDC data showed that as of 2007, 2.7 million children in that age group were receiving medication for ADHD.
Assuming these numbers are accurate, a teacher can expect that at least 2 children in a class of 20 students will have ADHD. On a sports team of 12 players, there will be at least one with ADHD. In a church with a youth population of 100 children, at least 12 will have ADHD. How many kids live in your neighborhood? In addition to your own son, there are probably some boys with ADHD living around you. Boys (and girls) with ADHD are everywhere.
Did I Cause It?
Not intentionally. Nothing a parent did causes ADHD, but in many cases, a parent’s genetics probably contribute.
Because he doesn’t look physically different, it might be difficult to accept that your son has a problem. This can be especially true for fathers. Often in a dad’s eyes, his boy is just being a boy. He is supposed to be active and run around, climb things, ask a million questions, and argue. We often hear from dads, “It’s the same thing I did as a kid.” Pause on that thought. This is a key point because most professionals consider ADHD to be a neurobiological condition that is heavily rooted in genetics. When Jim’s son was diagnosed, the psychologist asked Jim if he thought he had ADHD or if it was suspected in his wife’s family tree. In fact, for their family, ADHD had been suspected but had never been officially diagnosed.
When a child is diagnosed with ADHD, parents often comment to us that their son is a lot like they were as a child. It doesn’t help one bit to cast blame on yourself or your spouse and wonder who your son “got it” from. If you do suspect a genetic link, try instead to find some sympathy and compassion for what your son is facing.
Many parents feel guilt-ridden because they believe their actions may be responsible for their son’s ADHD. Parents may even start to second-guess themselves by making negative assumptions. Parents have told us:
“I should have breast-fed him instead of using the bottle.”
“I should have played with him more.”
“I shouldn’t have let him watch so much television or play so many video games.”
“Letting the nanny watch him while I worked was a mistake.”
“If I had not put him in that preschool with that mean teacher, then this would not have happened.”
“If only his dad had taken more interest in him as a youngster.”
“I shouldn’t have fought with him all the time.”
It is important for you to remember that your parenting style and the decisions you’ve made usually are not your son’s main issues. Being a more skilled parent will not make ADHD go away. Poor parenting does not cause ADHD (but as we’ll see later in the book, it certainly can aggravate the situation). Can we, as parents, improve the way we deal with our sons with ADHD? Absolutely, and we’ll spend a good bit of this book sharing ways to help you do just that.
When parents come to us for professional advice and help, we reassure them that their parenting skills did not cause their son’s ADHD. Even though most parents may realize this, they are still relieved to hear it from a professional. Mary L., a parent of a 9-year-old son with ADHD, expressed this: “After all these years, I was relieved. I’m sure parents in my neighborhood thought John’s behavior was my fault, but it’s not. It’s his ADHD that causes him to become so emotional.” Another parent, Amy S., explained it this way: “It’s like a chip was missing in his brain. When Mark was young and he wanted people to go home, he would just yell, ‘Make them go home!’ I used to get so embarrassed.”
Source : James W. Forgan, Ph.D., and Mary Anne Richey. Raising Boys with ADHD. Prufrock Press Inc. 2012
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